I Miss My Fan Regulator

This time when I went home to Kerala, I noticed that the ceiling fan in my room had been replaced with a BLDC fan. I’m not against energy-efficient tech, but I absolutely hate these new fans.

Let me explain.

We used to have a simple regulator. The newer ones were electronic step regulators - speed 1 to 5, all smooth. With BLDC fans, that whole system goes out the window.

BLDC stands for brushless direct current electric motor . These fans use a small onboard circuit to control speed by regulating voltage and frequency. They don’t work with traditional regulators because those just cut the voltage to control speed, which messes with the fan’s internal electronics. So the regulator is bypassed completely. The fan has to be controlled by its own remote.

And that’s where my problems begin.

Here’s my usual night routine. I set the fan to full speed before I sleep. Around early morning, when it gets cooler, I reduce the speed. Quick trip to the washroom, twist the regulator clockwise to zero, then back to one. Done in seconds. Zero brain cells involved!

Now, with this BLDC fan, I have to find the damn remote. And at 4 AM, that remote is always missing. It’s fallen under the bed or buried under a pillow. So there I am, half-asleep, crawling on the floor, looking for a stupid fan remote.

And the remote? It’s the worst. It has 13 buttons. Thirteen. For a fan. All I want is an ON/OFF switch and a +/- for speed. But no. The speed controls are packed into this weird round button with five tiny directions. I can’t tell front from back. There’s no texture or indentation. Just smooth plastic in the dark.

Here’s a totally unnecessary, detailed documentation of all the remote buttons:

ON    // Turns the fan on. Simple enough, right?
OFF   // Why the hell is there an OFF button when there's already an ON? One button could’ve toggled power, but nooo.
1
2
3
4
5
Sleep // I don't understand how this works when there are time settings. I lost the manual as well.
HYP   // This is the hyper mode, one notch above 5.
1H    
2H    
3H    
4H    

And it needs batteries. Another thing to maintain. One night, during my bedtime rolls, one of the batteries popped out. When I grabbed the remote to change the speed, one was missing. Ahh, what a wonderful thing to deal with when you’re half asleep and blinded by myopia.

Why make something this simple so complicated? If a remote is inevitable due to limitations of technology, why make it so big and complicated? Sure, maybe with enough muscle memory I’ll get used to it. But for now, it just pisses me off.

I don’t want my fan to be smart. Just bring back the regulator!
(ಠ益ಠ)(¬_¬)